Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
