Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
