so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
