the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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