my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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