My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
