Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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