either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
