It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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