the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
