I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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