Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found a bag of teeth...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
