i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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