i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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