Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
