He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
