the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
