if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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