I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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