I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
