When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw a hot homeless man
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
