problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
