apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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