i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
