Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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