Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
