I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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