if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You need a sexual gate keeper
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
