you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize