i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
