omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I cut my penus on the lid.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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