and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
