So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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