i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
