my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i barfeds in our rink
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
