I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
