The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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