I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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