Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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