How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
me + whiskey = a bad person
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
