I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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