I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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