My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
