In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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