Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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