oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
