Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
