it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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