highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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