You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
