I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
