Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bring money and cleavage
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
