At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
