Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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