ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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