So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
