I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
