You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
