omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
