I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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