please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
