Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
