But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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