I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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