A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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