It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
