i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
