you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
