Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am one with the molecules
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
