I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
