I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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